What is a relationship check-in?
A relationship check-in is a time you set aside on purpose, with your partner, to talk about how the relationship itself is going. Not the schedule, not the kids, not who forgot the groceries. The two of you, and what is working, what is not, and what you want next.
Most couples only have that conversation when something goes wrong, and by then it arrives with heat attached. A check-in moves it to a calm, planned moment, so small things get said while they are still small.
Who created the Relationship Check-In Method™?
The Relationship Check-In Method™ was started by Jocelyn Johnson, a relationship coach with 8 years of experience working with couples, in 2018. The Happy Partners Project was incorporated in 2019. Over 18,000 people have used the Method.
Early posts from the project, with their publication dates, are still on this site:
- 3 Ways to Use Happy Partners Relationship Check-In Deck (November 2018)
- The Relationship Check-In: How to do a Marriage Check-up (December 2019)
- When Should We Start Relationship Check-Ins? (December 2019)
- Why Are Relationship Check-Ins Important? (December 2019)
How does the Method work?
It is a weekly ritual that takes about an hour. We recommend checking in weekly or twice a month. Every check-in starts the same way: you read the Check-In Commitments aloud to each other. They set the tone: mutual respect, and a conversation you are both trying to make productive. Then you move through five phases, in order.
- Gratitude. Start by naming what you appreciate in each other, before anything else gets said. Appreciation frames the close of the session too.
- Re-friending. Rebuild the easy friendship underneath the romance, the part that gets lost first.
- Connection. Questions that deepen closeness, from playful to profound.
- Future-Gazing. Line up on the life you are building together, not just the week ahead.
- Conflict Resolution. A structured way through disagreement, and back to each other, instead of around it. (The deck calls this category Conflict & Repair.)
The order matters. Starting with appreciation means that by the time you reach the hard topics, you are both already a little softer.
How do you do a relationship check-in tonight?
- Pick a time you can protect. Plan on about an hour. Do not start when either of you is hungry, rushed or already tense.
- Put the phones away. Screen-free is part of the point.
- Read the Check-In Commitments aloud to each other.
- Work through the five phases in order. Take turns. One person answers while the other listens without fixing or defending.
- Close with appreciation, then choose when you will do the next one. The ritual only works if it keeps happening.
Want questions to use? Start with our 25 relationship check-in questions, or print the free check-in template.
Deck or app: which should you use?
They run the same method. The Relationship Check-In Deck™ is 80 prompt cards across five categories: a screen-free version for the kitchen table. Happy Partners AI is the app version: AI-coached check-ins with endless variety, downloadable check-ins and pattern tracking over time. Every deck includes app access, so you can use both.
Not sure the app is right for you? Our sourced comparison of AI relationship apps covers the alternatives, including where we are not the best fit.
Is a relationship check-in the same as couples therapy?
No. A check-in is proactive upkeep: a habit that helps good relationships stay good. Therapy is for working through deeper or more painful problems with a licensed professional. Many couples benefit from both, and a check-in is never a substitute for help when you need it. See our guide on how AI coaching, therapy and chatbots differ.